the south end’s newest spa and resort — make yer reservations now
Add comment September 22nd, 2007
Archive for September, 2007
western nights — univ. of stanwoodopolis
Add comment September 22nd, 2007
Oh, I know you all think the next location of the new college campus extension is pretty much a done deal. Stanwoodopolis University, advanced degrees in lefse rolling, lutefisk production and storage unit management —- sure, it looks like a lock.
But before you start building those ivory towers out on the edge of the sewage lagoon, hold on one South End minute, cause we haven’t thrown in our towel yet. And don’t start yammerin how we don’t have the infrastructure to support all that brain matter. We got two – count em, 2 – mom and pop grocery complexes. Plenty of beer and pizzas for future PhD’s. And Daddle Distilleries can gear up for heavy production in a moment’s notice to supply fraternity and sorority alike PLUS the faculty needs.
Sure, dismiss us if you like but dismiss us at your peril. You’re thinking, why on god’s green earth would anybody stick a major university down in a nettle hellhole like the South End. The only education they got is the School of Hard Knocks and they’re so hard headed now, no degrees are getting handed out.
But you forget … we got the Elger Bay Institoot of Esthetic Enlargement, a liberal arts school that rivals Evergreen State for creative degrees. We got graduates down here so creative they don’t need to work anymore to earn a living once they enter the art colonies of the South End. Oh, I’m not saying they got rich. I’m not saying they’re famous. But how many Ivy Leaguers can claim 90% of their graduates instantly retired???
That’s right … we been preparing students since 1977 for the rigors of early retirement — WITHOUT working for Microsoft. So don’t count us out. We got our P.R. machine cranking 24/7, full color promotional brochures, all the megatonnage our art department is capapble of when fully sober…
University of the South End: 25 miles from I-5, but only 4 years from Retirement. Catchy, ain’t it, Stanwood? Good luck to ya, you’ll need it.
western nights concert — rumors of cannibalism
Add comment September 22nd, 2007
We had a blizzard awhile back, about a foot of snow, made the South End look like a Disney movie. Evergreen boughs drooped with a beautiful load. Then broke off and took the power out for days. Which meant no way to run the deep well pumps we rely on for our water supply. No water. No baths. No toilet flushing. Goodbye civilization as we once knew it.
Most of us old geezers are semi used to this. We got wood heat and we melted snow for coffee and we read by lantern light and we had provisions stored up in the pantry and we got the outhouse for just such emergency stand-by needs. Course there are folks who aren’t prepared. Buy their vittles one day at a time. Wouldn’t know a lantern from a bucket. Couldn’t make a cup of coffee the cowboy way if they had 2 weeks of withdrawal headache to give em a sense of urgency. Rather drink yak milk than melted snow. And really Must attempt the treacherous hellish iceway to the nearest expresso stand that has, hopefully, a generator running.
I guess that’s why the rumors bothered me, unbelievable as they sounded. Unspeakable rumors really. Tyee Store’s shelves had emptied the first two days and the denizens of the starving South End began to realize the pizzas were gone and the frozen burritos too and the Hungry Man’s were gonna prove prophetic now that they were missing from the puddling freezer chest bottom.
The wines and beers went first, of course, then the fast food and even the cans of pork and beans double priced. The food riots were a harbinger, I guess. And then the rumors started drifting over to our west side, whispers at first, then full blown howls. Cannibalism, ladies and gentlemen. Cannibalism.
The power eventually came on and Tyee restocked those delicious deli rotisserie gourmet hotdogs. And the rumors? We don’t mention this any longer. We just advise the newcomers to stock the pantry with more than a day’s supply……..
harvest jubilee vs. the south end nettle festival
Add comment September 22nd, 2007
The Band was real pleased when we got invited to play this Harvest Jubilee. We used to have —- on the wild wild South End —- our own farming celebration, a 3 day extravaganza of music and partying where after the harvests, the weary South Enders would drop their shovels and their hoes, their sickles and their scythes and pick up their jugs and head on down to the Tyee fairgrounds and auto wrecking yard for the annual Nettle Festival.
My god those were great times!! The nettle maze alone was two acres of itchin labyrinth some folks nearly lost their minds in!! Oh, I know, you couldn’t do that these days. But back then that was funnier than poison ivy in your cornflakes. Or the greased telephone pole climb. Those creosote splinters, man! You’d be pulling those for days. Oh sure, they got infected sometimes, but we were tougher back then. We didn’t have it easy like the farmers today. Tractors and harvesters and all the conveniences a million dollar bank loan can buy. The only migrant labor WE had was our own kids. Couple seasons in the stinging fields, they’d be migrating somewhere else. No, we toiled in the pitiless sun harvesting ten foot nettles by hand. Baling em with those same blistered stung up hands. Taking em to market in Stanwoodopolis where the commodity prices were manipulated by the rich Scandihooviens and were sometimes half what it took to grow em.
We NEEDED a festival. Sure, we didn’t have fancy tractor and lawnmower pulling contests. But we had Jug Pulling. Serious Jug Pullin. Liquor board wouldn’t condone it now. But those were harder times. Callous times maybe. Hoo boy, that nettle mash moonshine. Sure took the edge off all that hard work. Probably shaved a few years too. Didn’t matter. Life was so hard back then we were glad to shave a few years. And if we lost a few in the nettle maze, didn’t matter either.
This next song maybe captures that era. Maybe even captures the one we got now down our way. SOUTH END BLUES!!