Greatest Show on Earth
Add comment August 10th, 2010
Posts filed under 'after the rapture (apocalypse then)'
colton captured!
Add comment July 12th, 2010
The hard-hitting, no-holds-barred investigative journalism of the Crab Cracker grinds 24-7 here on Colton Island. This cub reporter had barely gulped his first cup of pharmaceutical strength coffee when his editor called on the red phone this morning demanding a scoop on last night’s Colton Capture in the Bahamas. Unless you’re living under a dock without Wi-Fi access, you already got the breaking news. The crack Bahamian police force managed, in a couple of days, to accomplish what the FBI, the state police from here to Illinois, and our own local SWAT teams couldn’t: they nabbed the Barefoot Bandit, the Kamano Kid, the first viral criminal of the 21st Century. Maybe, just maybe you’re thinking, this reporter can return to more newsworthy subjects of national and international import.
If you thought Afghanistan or the BP Gulf Spill, take a seat in the 20th century and put on the dunce cap for a week. We’re all a little weary of those, don’t you think?? I’m sure America – as well as the World – is far more interested in following the coming extradition, the mom’s hiring of the entertainment lawyer for Courtney Love to handle book and movie rights, the interviews with Colton from the jailhouse, the KIRO radio Colton song contests, all the infinite permutations of this constantly breaking story.
We have officially entered Phase 2 of the Colton Saga. If you thought you’d had MORE than enough, you apparently just moved here from a passing asteroid where TV, radio, newspapers, magazines, blogsites and internet do not yet exist and whose inhabitants derive entertainment with Knock-Knock jokes. Steel yourself for the tsunami that is coming: a public yearning for in depth coverage of every crumb of the Kid’s meteoric rise from bicycle thief to self-taught international aviator.
As always, Crab Cracker will be your primary news source. Because we know you demand more than superficial coverage. You want details, you want minutiae and you want it NOW! And, like all of us, you want a NEW photo of Colton instead of that 3 year old one he took of himself. Because we’re sick and tired of it and we don’t have look at it anymore!
Next Crab Cracker Issue: Colton Harris-Moore Hires O.J. Simpson’s Defense Team. Meet His Hair Stylist. Computer Tips From the Kid.
