virtual tour of the south end

January 22nd, 2008

Tonight we want to take you on a tour of the South End.  We offered free drinks and eats and after the show, our representatives, I mean, well, our people, will want to talk to you about some special opportunities.  No pressure here.  Just want to help you folks. 
 

     Down in the La-la land we call the South End, we take our culture pretty seriously.  And because our culture is based on the faith of our nettle farming ancestors, we aren’t real sure what to make of the culture of the Scandihoovien northerners or the suburban newcomers or the infidel off islanders or, really, anyone who doesn’t worship Stingy-oto, the nettle god.  The true god.
 

    For awhile we started sending missionaries to spread the gospel according to Skeeter Daddle, our patron saint of the prickly plant.  Didn’t work.  Caused some backlash and next thing we knew we had folks coming to the South End trying to convert US to a non-nettle philosophy.  Plenty of bad feelings.  Lots of name calling and finally pushing and shoving and violence.
 

     Now we got new belief systems cropping up.  People who worship violent video games, people who channel the electron gods, people who google and yahoo 24/7, people whose deity is a flat screen, 150 channel cable- ready, hi def 5 speaker internal DVD wall mounted plasma TV.
 

     Stingy-oto is angry.  Stingy-oto is real angry.  He knows this means all-out, no holds barred, righteous I-got-the-news Culture War.  The pre-computer, nettle loving children of the Old Ways versus the blind followers of the one eyed false prophet of the Virtual World.  Oh, I know some say it’s too late.  Some say the computers have already won.  Some say the world will never return to a natural, pristine,  simple state.  The say the Garden gates are closed and chained.  They say the genie can’t get put back in the jug.
 

     I say this:   they obviously never been to the South End.  Simple’s a state of mind there.  Simple’s a virtue there.  Simple’s a way of life.
 

     So tonight we’re gonna take you there, to a place where the backporch goes on nearly forever.  Where the glass isn’t half full or half empty, it’s just ready for fillin…. We’re gonna show you a place where life is, well, real simple.  The way all our songs are.  The way we are.  The way Stingy-oto wants it.   We’re gonna take you on a virtual tour of the South End sorta like Rick Steve’s tour of Europe thru the back door, only we’re goin thru the back porch.  If the free booze is working its magic, this might be positively inspired.  If you’re  a tee-totaller, well, this may seem like real bad pschedelia from the 1960’s.  We will, of course, apologize later……
 

 Feel free to sing along, you know, if you’re not already lost.  After the service we’ll have our sales reps, I mean our representatives, our people, I mean, we’ll put you in touch with someone who can maybe show you how you too can find the South End.  You guessed it, it’s simple.  And it goes something like this rightchere.  Hit it girls!
 

Entry Filed under: after the rapture (apocalypse then)